I no longer need to use "snow" as an excuse to not go outside. Mono works just fine, and it's been kicking my butt for a week now. They say you carry the mono virus 2-3 weeks prior to feeling any symptoms. I asked my doctor if prognosticating the outcome of future events like the over/under in the MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL GAME or the spreads in a three team NFL TEASER were common amongst his other mono carriers. He said, "what the hell's a teaser?"
That's right. For the last three weeks I have been on a gambling tear and I give all the credit to mono. And since I still have it, I've decided to jump start Trapline until this Godsend departs.
And believe it or not, while carrying mono, I've fallen in love with a sexy little tease (Speaking in terms of betting of course). For those of you who aren't familiar with a sports tease, or "Teaser," it allows you to turn a line that you like into a line that you love. Here's a teaser of mine from this past weekend.
Houston -1 VS. New England
Chicago +3 @ Detroit
Carolina -3 VS. New Orleans
If you followed last weekends NFL lines, you might be wondering what sports book was offering these asinine spreads. Well, there wasn't one. (maybe an uncle or parlay happy moron). These games are all teased 6 points. I liked Houston to beat New England, but they were giving 7. I didn't think Chicago was going to lose to Detroit, but I knew if they did it would be a close game. They were originally -3, so I teased them 6 points to +3. And the Panthers were -9, and I felt much more comfortable with them by a field goal.
The only downside to teasing is the payouts. An ordinary three team parlay normally pays out a little over 5 to 1, a three team teaser will only payout around 1.8 to 1. I refuse to parlay unless the lines have been teased. I tell the same thing to my women.
"Betty, you don't have a chance with me until you're up to a mid-major C-cup. And you, Ruby Rugby? Call me when you're a size nine and that jock of yours looks more like a thong."
Not sure why I chose names from my grandmother's yearbook, but I'll definitely sit down and think about it.
Okay, enough tea-time, let's get to tonight's picks.
BCS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
SPREAD: ALABAMA - 4 1/2 vs. Texas
OVER/UNDER: 46
MY TAKE:
UNDER 46
Alabma (teased) + 3
Ehh, what a bummer of a game. Neither team intrigues me and Alabama's defense makes every team they play (including Florida) boring to watch. Unless you're 80 and love low scoring defensive battles, please don't tell me you're looking forward to this match up unless it's from a gamblers viewpoint. Look, Alabama should win this game but will they? I don't know. I don't think Texas's offense is good enough to put a lot of points up against the best D in the country, and I don't think Alabama's offense is good enough to put up points against Michigan. With that said, I think this game will finish safely under 46.
As for the Natty Champ? Alabama. Seeing Florida dismantle Cincy might have been a bad thing for me to watch, because it really made me think that much more highly of Bama. But, this is a technique I've employed while I've been on my hot streak. I look at how other conferences are holding up. Take the Mac for example. I watched Ohio lose to a dismal Marshall squad. When i saw that an okay S. Florida was only -3 to N. Illinois, I jumped on them because Ohio was one of the best teams in the MAC and had beaten N. Illinois with ease earlier in the year.
The Big 12 has faired well thus far, but I don't see Texas winning tonight. And if they do, it's not going to be by more than a field goal.
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Where in the name of Michigan have you been kid? Your older brother, The Daily Yodelman or whatever, can’t go a day without saying something and you go 9 months? I made some cabbage off you last year, (though that was mainly lucky as I was out of town during a couple of your cold streaks), and I think I provided you some sweet NHL money.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of the NHL, your precious Red Wings are has beens. It’s the age of the Blackhawks son! Actually, I’m just blowing a bit of smoke. The Wings have been injured and are getting healthy. I think they’ll be out of the 9 hole soon. Unfortunately, the bookies are no dummies and the lines with the Red Wings haven’t been out of whack. But my lovely Blackhawk babies are the real deal. Thanks for Hossa by the way. If he had played this well during the Stanley Cup last year, you may have had two in a row. He’s been runner up twice in a row. Here’s to hoping he finally gets the cup this year with the greatest team with the greatest fans and the cutest gals in the stands; (present company included).